You're just surviving everyday.

You just sit down in your room thinking if you really lived everyday of yours to the fullest? But for me, I'm just working very hard surviving each day and feeling happy when I manage to go to bed without additional worries added to me.

For some,

you're capable of living your life to the fullest every single day of yours and still not contented with such a wonderful gift God has given you instead of any other people. But unfortunately, not everyone have the ability to go through everyday happily. Some might be due to financial issues, some might be due to relationship issues, and some might be due to family issues. Everyone faces a situation almost everyday of their lives and not everyone of us actually knows how to handle it.

You're never happy with what you have, and regret what you lost.

That's always been my situation.

I'm not satisfied with what I have because I know I've not lived my life to the fullest when I had the chance to and regret when I stop being able to. Many said that I need not stop what I love doing but none actually understands me. Because I feel tired of so many things that I no longer have interest in the things I used to love.

Ever since my pregnancy period, I faced issues on my emotional change. And up till today, I have no control of it still. I thought it'll be better after the preggy period but it didn't. I have no idea if any other mummies faced the same issue as I do. I've asked many, and most of them tell me the same. Honestly, I envy those who are actually strong and able to handle their emotions really well.

I smile everyday but smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.

No one actually blames themselves for what happened to them but always blaming someone else that's only part of the reason at where you're standing today. I used to blame God for putting me into difficult positions but when I think back, that's what I chose. That's the path I chose when God gave me 2 paths each time I need to make a decision. He didn't decide for me, I made the decision all by myself. And when you start realising this, some often lies to themselves that it's because of the word 'fate'.

I do believe in such things as 'fate' because among 1 million people you actually have the chance to meet your partner, your best friend, and any other people that's close to you.

Partly the reason of where you stand now is because of fate but fate didn't control your mind at the point of time when you're making a decision. There's no turning back even if you regret what you did when you were not thinking straight.

Time never rewinds.

因为一时的冲动而后悔一辈子。

Everyone makes mistakes.

But how you're gonna amend that mistake is by making the right decision the second time.

And if anyone ever ask me what do I really wish for now,

I just want to be happy.